I'm in REMISSION!!!

So it's official...I'M IN REMISSION!!! I saw my doctor and even though my counts aren't totally normal yet (my CA-125 was the same as the previous month- go figure), that is how she classifies me. She said there is no presence of any cancer that can be detected so the number not being perfect can just mean endometriosis. I still am a bit troubled by that categorization because is that really what's going on? Such a hard spot to be in! I keep telling myself that I just have to celebrate where I'm at and "not borrow trouble" as my father-in-law says. That's good advice to keep in the moment and not worry about what should or could or might be.

All I can say is that I am so happy to be through the treatments and to have my energy level back! It's hard to believe it's been over 2 months since my last chemo treatment. So exciting.

I went to my first cancer survivor meeting. It was weird to think I could qualify to be in that category. I felt awkward going with my numbers still a concern but since I'm done with treatment, I fit the standard. The meeting talked a lot about just that...not feeling like you can call yourself a "survivor". The 3-time cancer survivor speaker who is also an oncology nurse said that she and so many people express this concern because they fear a relapse. That's definitely what I fear too.

During my doctor's visit, I asked about that. She gave me good news that should improve my recurrence rate. She said she went to a tumor conference where a renowned pathologist looked at my tumor and did not see the nodule on my omentum that originally had classified me as a Stage 3B. He said there was presence of cancer there but not a bump so my stage has been downgraded to 3A- yeah!! That means my recurrence rate decreased from 60-70% to 50%. Still not zero but I love that my odds have improved. I queried when relapse could occur and she indicated that it usually occurs within the first 2 years. Usually patients are followed every 3 months for the first year and every month for the second then yearly. She asked how I would like to be followed. I decided on being seen more often than 3 months out (I'll go back in 2) and that I wanted my blood work taken monthly.

We again hit on whether surgery was recommended. She again said the benefit isn't really there statistically. So again, I felt I shouldn't go that route.

I asked her if there were any maintenance treatments that could benefit me and she told me about 2 drugs I could try. The first I have taken before and the other comes with an enormous list of likely side effects, including the possibility of death- hmm, isn't that what I'm trying to beat?... She said for the first drug, studies have been done where patients take the drug monthly for a year which resulted in their time to recurrence being stretched out by 7 months. The second was administered in the same way yielding a 4 month stretch before recurrence. My doctor said both were available to me but that those stats are not very impressive and didn't think they were worth it. I agreed. So basically, there's nothing more that can be done but to keep checking my blood work and continue to pray that the cancer is gone for good.

So, what am I to do in the meantime?...celebrate my small victories!! One thing I'm doing to celebrate and live life is to go on a cancer survivor trip. A dear lady in my ward let me know about a young adult cancer survivor camp that pays for participants to enjoy "outdoor therapy" high-adventure trips. Cancer survivors can choose from rock climbing, surfing or white-water kayaking. I chose the latter. There weren't supposed to be any openings until next summer but one opened up at the last minute for next week and I'm going!! They will fly me out to the Great Smoky Mountains for a week where I can learn to kayak! I'll stay in a log cabin with a hot tub (I know, it'll be rough) and kayak each day. One day we'll go white water rafting too! I'm super excited and can't wait for this great experience! I'll get lots of pictures and post em on the blog when I get back. The organization is called First Descents. Check out their website firstdescents.org  Wish me luck in taming the rapids!