Final pathology report

Well, a few things have changed since my last post. My mom and I went to my post-surgery appointment on Tuesday to hear the final pathology report and treatment going forward. My doctor is very good but she doesn't sugar-coat anything, she just got right into it with the words "it's not as good as we hoped". So, mom and I wiped the smiles off our faces and braced ourselves. The doc told us that the hysterectomy was absolutely the right choice (thank you Heavenly Father for that comfort I felt despite the hard decision). She said the cancer wasn't just on the one ovary, making me a Stage 1 as we originally thought, it was on the second ovary, making me Stage 2 and on the omentum (fatty apron that covers the colon) making me Stage 3. Additionally the cancer was on my abdominal wall (part was removed) and in the abdominal washing meaning I still have microscopic cells in my body. Within the stages, a letter grade of A-C is assigned. The fact that the cancer was on the omentum would have made me a 3A but, for me, they found a nodule less than 2cm making me Stage 3B. (Stage 3C is the most common stage ovarian cancer is caught where the nodule is larger than 2 cm.)

I will start chemo in about a week and will have 6 rounds of 3 weeks each with 1 week off between rounds. The only way to remove the remaining microscopic cells is through chemotherapy- a regimen of weekly carbo platinin and taxol drugs given intravenously. I will be having a porta-cath installed near my clavical to administer the medicine and to take the weekly blood samples. One blood test I will have periodically is the CA-125 tumor marker that will tell us if the chemo is working.

After the appointment, the doctor led us down the hall to where rows of women were sitting in easy chairs with IV poles next to them. At first, I didn't know what I was looking at. Then I registered shock and I said to my mom "what is this place?...it looks like a hall of death!" The women all looked so sickly and old with no hair and pale or yellow skin. I did not know that this was how the chemotherapy was administered. I did ask the nurse why it was given out in the open like that and she it was for support reasons. She said they do have some private rooms that I can use but they have found that the patients like it better when they can all be out there together helping each other through it. I, by far, will be the youngest one there. Most women are in their 60s or older. In fact one of the women said I looked 16 (I guess compared to all of them I would). The rest of the visit with the chemo nurse was very emotional as the reality of this very horrible disease was hitting me. I think I was numb as pages and books and tote bags of information were given to me. I have a lot to process and about a week until that place will be my life.  


I spoke to a friend who said I really need to live it up and do and eat what I like before I start so, mom and I picked up this beauty:

Ammon said "oh, I see you got something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate!" (a line from Shrek). Yes, indeed I did. And it was yummy ;)


So, how am I feeling? Well, initially I was feeling very anxious and freaked out when I heard the final results but with a few days now to reflect and pray, I have been feeling calm. Throughout this, I have had a peace that everything will be okay and I need to keep reminding myself to hold onto that. I'm not sure what that feeling means as far as outcome but I'm naturally hopeful that it means I will be completely cured. I am reminded of a favorite talk by Sheri L. Dew called This is a Test, it is only a Test that reminds me that my trial of cancer is just that, a test. It is a very important one that Heavenly Father has given me to see how I will act and react under this trying circumstance. Heavenly Father, in His foresight and goodness, specially fitted this challenge to me to make me grow because He trusts me (sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much!). Through it, He expects me to reach out to Him, and to use the Atonement of His Son, to become what I am to become. I pray continually that I can succeed at this most difficult of exams. And of course I pray that my body will fight the cancer and that the chemo will allow me to be completely void of disease so that I can live a long, full life. I intend to beat this and to pass this test as He would expect me to!