T minus 15 hours until launch

Today it has been raining very unseasonably. I love it. It actually kinda matches my mood. It almost feels like God is crying along with me.  But, I feel like I'm as ready as I'm gonna be. I have my porta-cath in (very uncomfortable device) and have all my drugs lined up to deal with the side effects. Mentally, I'm feeling pretty confident.

Still, I feel like my life will be launched into a whole new world in a matter of a few hours. Tomorrow morning I start chemotherapy to rid my body of the remaining microscopic cancer cells. 

I like to think of chemotherapy as the process of reshaping the inside of my body just as exercise is the method of reshaping my body on the outside. Every time you workout, you are breaking down the muscles (essentially wiping them out) so they can be built back up. You have to rest yourself between exercise sessions and eat protein and other nourishing foods to fill in what was knocked out. I feel the chemo will be the same way. The drugs will completely wipe out the cells in my body, including the healthy ones, so that the bad ones can be forced out as well. My immune system will be knocked out for awhile just long enough to rid myself of the harmful cancer and then new fresh cells will be allowed to take their place. I will receive chemo once a week for 3 weeks and then have a week break between the sessions before starting the next round. During that week off, another drug will be given to me to encourage white blood cell production from my bones.

This past week, as the days have gotten closer to my start of chemo, I have often thought of Joseph Smith's words (I am in no way comparing myself to his trials or great calling but, I feel I can relate in some small way) when he went to Carthage Jail where he was subsequently martyred "I am going like a lamb to the slaughter; but I am as calm as a summer's morning."  I don't know what lies ahead- whether I will recover fully or not- but I feel confident it is all in Gods' hands and according to His wisdom whatever does happen.

I know He is in charge. 

I credit much of my buoyed spirits to my great support team- 
  My Heavenly Father

and

all of you.

I have felt so strengthened by so many of you in word, email, hug or through an uplifting prayer. I have joked with my son Connor that when I start losing my hair, he'll have to shave his head too. He is not very optimistic about that shouting "noooooo!" every time I bring it up. Oh well. Ammon plans to do so though. That sounds like a fun way to empathize with me- we'll see. Maybe we'll even have some t-shirts made...

Go team cueball Larsen!!