First day of chemo

Well, I'll be honest, it was hard to get up this morning. But once I did, I took a shower and then I did have a little pity party for myself as I remembered this song from My Turn On Earth called I'm Not Ready.  It's actually quite sad talking about asking God not to let her be taken yet and if there's a way to make it possible for her to stay because she still has so much yet to do in this life. That's just what I feel like and that's why I'm doing chemo. I have way too much to live for right now to go so what alternative do I have but to fight this with all I have!!-- And I'm going to win! 

After pulling myself together, I decided to dress a little nice (I even wore heels). I felt like being a little ridiculous to throw off the almost ludicrous reality that I have cancer!!  Anyway, I wanted to feel good about myself for this tough day. 

We met with the doctor first who said my blood work looked great. She did make a change to how often my treatments will be administered, barring that I can keep up the pace, I should be done with 6 rounds of chemo in 4 months. This entails no breaks. They will be watching my white blood counts in the blood tests and if they dip, they will give me shot supplements during the week. If they get really low, then I may need a week or two off to bring them back up. Should I get sick or have other complications, I'll need time off too. We all have had flu shots in my house and will be really careful about hand washing and such.
I've really been praying that my side effects will be minimal or next to nothing. So far my prayers have been answered to not have side effects! I'm not feeling sick or anything from the treatment today- whew whoo!  That first day I've heard is the worst so to not have anything is truly an answer to prayer. I'll have to admit that I did break down there before they administered any drugs as the reality of what was about to start hit me. I was given some anxiety medicine to help me relax. Then I was given the Taxol (the one with the greatest side effects) first and then the Carbo. I was also given nausea medicine which is good for 3 days (that's how long the chemo stays in your body). It's good that I haven't had any additional nausea that has slowed me down. They said morning sickness in pregnancy is a good indication of whether you get nauseous or not. Luckily for me, I have been able to eat normally and feel really quite great. I was given a steroid they told me would likely keep me up tonight (hence I feel energetic enough to get this blog posting done now!). The biggest side effect they are concerned about is peripheral neuropathy (numbness in the hands and feet). If I get this, then my doses may be reduced to minimize this effect. Time will only tell on that one. 

Tomorrow is hair cut day (if I still feel well). I am going to donate my long hair to locks of love.  I did check into having a wig made from my own hair. I was discouraged to hear that I don't have nearly enough hair (I have at least 12 inches- that seems like a lot of hair to me) so that it would need to be matched with other hair. It takes about 2-3 months to get it done (I would be nearly done with my treatment by then) and it would be almost cost prohibitive as well at about $2,000!  Then the hair is just like your own hair where you have to curl it and all (my natural curl would be stripped out in the process of making the wig so it would just be straight anyway). Oh well, it was good to check into! -- I'll be looking for a decent synthetic wig (you don't have to do anything to these- just "shake and wear") to have for church and then some other free ones for wearing around the house or under hats. Being that we're into cooler weather now, I can wear wigs, hats and scarves and not get overheated. That's one positive- it's a great time of year to be bald! 
One of my many blessings- count your blessings, name them one by one- sometimes that's all I can do. Just smile and be positive. Otherwise cry and be miserable and that's not where I want to be. 

I'm so grateful for positive friends. For the cute "count your blessings turkey" someone anonymously left on my porch (I have a pretty good guess). For good friends who watched my kids today so Ammon and my mom could go to the treatment and for those that watched my kids on my surgery days. And for people bringing in meals even when I refused them and for others dropping by goodies and flowers and cards and phone calls and comments on my blog and emails and hugs and more offers of help and the countless prayers. I could count so many other good deeds so many have done on my behalf- all of which truly touch my heart and overfill my eyes. Thank you for helping me through this hard time in my life. I feel so loved. I truly stand all amazed.